Quotes of the Day

I'm an 18-year old straight college freshman from Hastings, Minnesota, and although Minnesota has a liberal culture, it seems as though my fellow teenage Minnesotans are less accepting of homosexuality than what was portrayed in the article. My high school has a GSA, but they posted anti-straight brochures, and were frowned down upon by the majority of my classmates, myself included. Is the Upper Midwest more culturally conservative? Also, my generation seems to be more tolerant about homosexuality, but we are not in favor of gay marriage. Civil Unions, yes, but not gay marriage, and we are more pro-life and religious than Generation X and the Baby Boomers were, because Kerry narrowly won the youth vote. Why do you think that we're both more tolerant and more conservative?

Mike Blissenbach
Saint Paul, Minnesota

"Anti-straight brochures"! That's terrible....I would be curious to see what that would look like. Typically I don't think GSAs distribute anti-straight literature since they are, at least in name, alliances for both gays and straights.

Most of your fellow college freshmen around the country—57%, according to UCLA's 2004 survey of a quarter-million first-years—do favor same-sex marriage. However, you are right that young people are moving right on many issues, including social issues. I wrote a piece last year that attempts to explain some of these questions and examines young conservatives. You can read it here.

Why are almost all the letters you answered, letters of support for your story? Why so few letters of criticism have been answered? I am totally saddened by the way media is siding with gays and not hearing what the opposition has to say.

The way media is glorifying gay lifestyle and blocking the opposing view for the sake of being politically correct, I am afraid that one day we will lose all that we have of healthy debate and follow the "cool" thing blindly.

I know you will not take this letter but still I would like to stress again that coming out as a teen is immature and the media is not helping the society by glorifying gay lifestyle.

Bhumika
West Lafayette, Indiana

Thanks for writing. I have tried to answer all the letters that ask me questions—even those that ask me personal questions like, Are you really happy?

I'm not sure if you've read the entire story, but it is surely not a story that ignores what social conservatives have to say about gay kids. I spent quite a bit of time reporting at this year's Exodus conference for Christians with unwanted same-sex attractions, and a great deal of that reporting is in the piece. The piece quotes Mathew Staver of Liberty Counsel, Regina Griggs of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays, Scott Davis of Exodus Youth, and several of the young Christians I met at the Exodus event. The piece also explores the question of whether it's a good idea for teenagers to come out.

Please outline for us the convincing scientific research basis supporting the perennial claim that 10% of Americans are homosexual or lesbian. Cite sources, dates and researchers. Additionally, describe any research that establishes that "reparative therapies" are bogus, contrary to the claims of numerous researchers like Socarides, Mobley, et al.

Jeff Long
Fayetteville, NC

I do not claim in my story that 10% of Americans are homosexual. I also do not claim in my story that "reparative therapies" are bogus. Thanks for writing.

John, can you explain how the gay debate seems to be between "conservatives" and "gay activists"? You repeatedly describe the "Christian right" on one side, but no label on the other. Given the great identification of gays with liberal Democrats (at least on an institutional level), is it really an unfair stereotype that gay is, to some degree, "left?"

And on the scholarship issue: aren't their any studies done by Exodus, PFOX, or groups like the Family Research Council you could use, and not just those from scholars with an agenda on the other side of the issue?

Tim Graham
Bristow, Virginia

I use terms like "social conservatives," "Christian right," "Christians battling same-sex attractions." I also use terms like "the gay movement," "the liberal group" PFLAG, and I quote someone talking about how being gay is "leftist, radical." I also point out, at the very beginning of the story, that the Democratic National Committee is an "established charity" for the gay elite. I agree with you that, to some degree, being gay often means being leftist. I think moderates like Andrew Sullivan, Jonathan Rauch (and myself) are some notable exceptions.

I don't believe the university scholars I quote have "an agenda on the other side of the issue." As the story points out, the main academic I quote, Ritch Savin-Williams, has been cited admiringly by those who believe homosexuality can be changed. Exodus and PFOX are not research organizations. I do mention a web page from Focus on the Family that has warned that boys as young as 5 may show signs of "gender confusion." Thanks for writing.

As a devout Christian gay teen disillusioned with a Pope that is scapegoating homosexuals for the sins of pedophiles, it seems to me that the battle for LGBT civil rights is being lost. Is there cause for optimism?

Jeff Dube
Detroit

Gays have won the right to marry in one state of the U.S., something that many said would not happen for another generation. Gay kids are coming out younger, and to a more accepting society. The gay movement in Washington has very little influence, but I think that's largely irrelevant to the social and cultural changes that are taking place on the ground—3,000 GSAs have been formed, for instance. Thanks for writing.

I'm 15 years old, and I've always been a good Catholic boy... who's gay. My question is, why doesn't someone tell the church that if being gay's a choice (which it obviously isn't), then being straight is a choice too?

Also, why aren't gays afforded the civil rights of everybody else? Is it because the majority of people are afraid? I want to be able to be a Boy Scout and not have to worry about being kicked out. I want to be myself! So, just give us the rights now. As for gay marriage, let the states decide for now as it's too controversial. Or, why not just give people the option of becoming a dual citizen with Canada? Thank you for your time.

John Gross
Lake Bluff, Illinois

John, thanks for writing. To answer your first question, you seem both articulate and passionate enough to tell the Catholic Church how you feel.

I'm not sure whether the majority of people are afraid of gays—I doubt it—but there is certainly antigay bigotry that helps explain why gays and straights don't have the same package of rights afforded by the state. Having said that, gays have also made great progress in the last 30 years; I'll give you one example....In the early part of the last presidential race, when Howard Dean was beginning to surge, his support of the "civil unions" law in Vermont, which gave gay couples most of the same rights as straight couples, was said to be evidence of his wacky liberalism. But by the end of the campaign, just a few days before Election Day, President Bush said he could support a civil unions law. So within just one campaign cycle, the debate shifted perceptibly.

Why do you think gay teens don't know more about the lives of gay people who are older and not into the "scene" (which only 1% of us are into)? Most of us have partners, friends, families, careers in the open, etc. We have happy, productive and meaningful lives but they only hear about the loneliness, etc.

Larry Glinzman
Ormond Beach, Fla.

Actually, I met many gay youths—and quote some of them in the story—who know that gay adults generally have happy, productive, and meaningful lives.

I was wondering if you have partner, and how you feel about your sexuality? Are there days when you feel extremely happy or extremely lonely? What characterizes those times?

Lilia
NY, NY

I do have a partner. We have been together for seven years. I feel fine about my sexuality. Yes, some days I am extremely happy—like the days when my stories run on the cover. I can't say that I have been "extremely lonely" since I was in the closet. Thanks for writing.

It seems these Exodus kids are more conflicted by other people's labels and definitions of what "gay" means than by their own attractions. Whose sexuality isn't scary and muddled, hetero- or homo- or in between, as a teen or at middle age? Will we ever be able to teach ourselves that difference and individuality and variety don't necessarily equal wrong or sinful?

Brenda Campbell
Boston, Mass.

I think most people, including most teens, aren't that conflicted about their sexuality. Most gay kids who have come out—87% of them—say they do not want to be straight, according to The New Gay Teenager (Harvard University Press). I agree that differences among people shouldn't be seen as sinful, but evangelicals would say they want gays to be straight not because they are different but because they are defying the Bible (or at least those evangelicals' biblical literalism).

I thought the article was good, but why was so much of it devoted to Exodus and other demented programs to try and get people who are already confused because of the extreme pressure of heterosexual society to "change their sexuality". The psychiactric community says that these programs have no merit and are unscientific and should be closed down. So why was so much of the article given to them without the mainstream psychiactric community input? I am angry as I was raised Mormon and brainwashed into believing my sexuality (gay) was evil. It took incredible strength for me to throw off the chains of organized religion and the crap they spew about sex—which is natural, good and God given (gay or straight)

Kent Peterson
Sarasota, Fla.

Some teenagers—a minority, I think, but some—are confused about their sexuality. Most kids who have same-sex attractions (note that I don't mean most gay-identified kids here, but most kids who say they have some same-sex attractions) have had sex with both boys and girls. Some of these kids are bisexual. Some are just experimenting. Some kids with powerful same-sex attractions who are sexually active with only members of their own sex still do not like to identify as gay. One reason they give is that they don't like gay culture—they see it as being leftist, or all about partying, or all about Cher. These are stereotypes that the kids have, but one point the article tried to make is that the gay culture that lesbian and gay adults have formed over the last few decades doesn't necessarily make sense to a 14-year-old.

The right in general, and programs designed to change homosexuality in particular, have focused unprecedented resources on these uncertain kids since 2000. Exodus has formed a youth group, which now gets a quarter of its budget; the Rev. Jerry Falwell came to speak at the Exodus conference this year for the first time; Focus on the Family is hosting events for hundreds of gay and questioning teenagers and their parents called "Love Won Out." These Love Won Out conferences are designed to reinforce the negative stereotypes that the kids have about gay culture and also to convince these kids that they don't have to claim a gay identity—that they can "walk with Christ" instead.

It would journalistically irresponsible to ignore all of this activity. I'm not sure if you had time to read the entire article before writing, but you will find that it says, early on: "It's important to note that nearly all mental-health professionals agree that trying to reject one's homosexual impulses will usually be fruitless and depressing—and can lead to suicide, according to Dr. Jack Drescher of the American Psychiatric Association, who has studied programs that attempt to alter sexuality."

Thanks for writing.

Thank you for your honest story of gay teens today. I am the mother of a gay teen who came out last year at the age of 17. He is the only one in his school of 1,500 to come out. He has not been persecuted, surprisingly enough. We support our son and love him, and financially we can pay for his college next year. I do like the support the point program provides its scholars. Do they support non-scholarship winners? Is there a network set up for gay college students to get support from the adult gay community in work and life issues?

Barb Medebn
Mayfield Village, Ohio

Thanks for writing. The Point Foundation provides mentoring only to its scholarship winners. Many colleges have LGBT organizations that work with gay adults in their communities to stage events, offer mentoring, and look into allegations of bias on campus.

John—so pleased to see your article but I do not share your optimism, particularly now that I reside in a more conservative venue. Remember me—I now live in Rehoboth, come visit

Peter Schott
Rehoboth Beach, DE

Thanks for writing, Peter. I'm not sure I think of Rehoboth Beach, with its vibrant gay life, as a very conservative place! But then again, I don't live there.

I found the following excerpt from your article to be offensive: "Gay kids can subscribe to the 10-month-old glossy YGA Magazine (YGA stands for "young gay America") and meet thousands of other little gays via young gayamerica com or outproud.org. Gay boys can chat, vote for the Lord of the Rings character they would most like to date—Legolas is leading—learn how to have safe oral sex and ogle pictures of young men in their underwear on the ruttish chadzboyz.com" While I applaud the article, I wonder why you found it necessary to use the phrase "other little gays..." At best it sounds patronizing; at worst, it rings of bigotry. What were you thinking?

Jean Beckmann
Staples, MN

I meant no offense, and I confess I don't understand how it rings of bigotry. I use the terms "kids" and "teens" and "youths" so much in the article that I occasionally wanted to mix it up.

I'm a sixty-year-old lesbian. I am delighted (and envious) that today's gay youth often have GSAs in their high schools. I was a very shy and lonely teenager.

Your story concentrated on the gay male experience, both teenage and adult. It seemed that you talked to just one young lesbian (Maya Marcel-Keyes) and no adult lesbians at all. Why? Was that deliberate?

Carol Anne Sundahl
Seattle WA

I interviewed six young lesbians and several adult lesbians. The Exodus conference was about 70 boys and 30 girls, so that affected my reporting a bit. I had profiled a young lesbian Point Scholar at some length in the story, but because her situation changed dramatically in the last few weeks—she was displaced by the first hurricane and had to move back home—I couldn't complete the reporting I needed about her.

Thank you for this article. It really put both sides of coming out into perspective for me. I came out to my parents 2 years ago in February, but not how I'd planned. I'd wanted to tell them since I was 14, but it took me leaving XY.com on the computer on accident for me to face them. I didn't get kicked out 'directly' but was asked to leave. If I'd known of more support groups, I might've turned to them, but at Rider High School in Wichita Falls, Tx., even the counselors recommend hiding this issue. I don't like the sound of this Exodus thing, it's too much like training homosexual teens to hide what they really feel and lie to someone of the opposite sex by saying they're content with them, maybe its just me. I just wish I could've told my parents in my own way.

Tim Byars
Vancouver, Wa

Many of the young gays I interviewed did not directly come out but were found out by their parents—very often when something (an IM, a diary, a web page) was discovered by their parents. I didn't get into it in the article, but that's another reason I think more kids are "coming out"—they are actually found out. Thanks for writing.

You didn't get to the bottom line of the great divide. Christians feel homosexuality is a sin. See Romans 1. A sin no greater than glutony, drunkeness, etc. If I have feelings for another man and am a married woman I cannot act on those feelings, if I have a desire for 10 beers acting on those feelings is sin. If I have feelings for another woman acting on those feelings is sin. The feelings aren't sin. It's the people who say homosexuality is hereditary ( never proven), and it can't be helped, are the same people who say embrace your gluttony/fatness/curves. Show no restrain or adherence to the Designer's laws. I love it when gays accept ME, but I don't like the ones who have said, "unless you can say this is not sin, we cannot have a relationship." See the difference? It is quite the dividing line, that can only be navigated with love. Who wants to be tolerated? No one! We all want to be loved. Sins, blemishes, faults, and all.

Diane Keyes
Morristown, New Jersey

Thanks for writing. I appreciate your perspective, though I must disagree that gays generally embrace both their sexual feelings and "fatness/curves." The cult of body image in the gay community is one of its worst characteristics—overweight people get even less respect from gays than from society as a whole. Gays may be many things, but they aren't very accepting of gluttony.

I saw that your article was mentioned on The O'Reilly Factor on Fox News Channel. I read over your article as I myself am gay and was interested in what had to be said. I would like to ask you, based on what Mr. Bill O'Reilly said: he thinks that youth shouldn't announce that they are gay and that it should be restrained to their private lives. Do you agree? Or would it be better for youth to "come out" which in turn, in my opinion, allows society to become more accustomed to the LGBT lifestyle and more generally accepted? Also, what would you recommend for teens who want to come out, but have issues that are holding them back, such as fear of rejection or retaliation from parents, family, friends, and peers?

Keith
Waldorf, Maryland

Thanks for writing. As I told Bill on air, I think he was being a bit naive. Teenagers date and have boyfriends and girlfriends from fairly young ages, and it's implausible to think that gay kids would not want to be part of that. So I think gay kids—and the evidence is on my side here—are going to come out whether Bill O'Reilly wants them to or not. But I also think they could not care less about making "the LGBT lifestyle...more generally accepted." I think they want to be happy, period. I would recommend that kids who want to come out begin with some online resources like outproud.org and younggayamerica.com, where they can meet thousands of others who have been through what they are going through.

Loved the story. is the kid on the cover one of the subjects mentioned in the story?

Matt
Omaha, Nebraska

His name is Corey Clark, and he is quoted in the story.

• TIME's John Cloud responds to reader mail about this week's cover story